[00:00:00] I noticed, says I'm paying attention, it really matters here. I noticed that you welcomed those guests and then you walked with them to the children's check-in. And when you do that, it really helps someone feel welcomed and it helps them to avoid some of the confusion that can happen when they're new somewhere. And it really reinforces our purpose of being a connected community that practices great hospitality. So when you notice something, it kind of reinforces it. Instead of
[00:00:28] this generic thank you, thank you for being a greeter today or great job greeting today, I noticed and it helps reinforce the kinds of things that we want to see happening. RL 452 Welcome to episode 452. Great leadership doesn't happen accidentally. It takes great intention and vision. In this episode, Jesse walks us through four leadership phrases you can adopt to help you lead better. That's today on The Reclaimed Leader. Welcome to The Reclaimed Leader
[00:00:55] Podcast. I'm Jason Tucker. And I'm Jesse Skiffington. We're two pastors in the trenches who are passionate about church health for greater gospel impact. We share the ups and downs of ministry, strategies that work for us, and some that didn't. Best practices and practical tools for church leadership. The goal? To help all of our churches flourish. Let's get started. All right. Well, hey everyone. Welcome to The Reclaimed Leader Podcast. As you can see,
[00:01:23] I'm flying solo today. Jason is off speaking at a work camp and just having a great time getting to go and do that. So you're stuck with me today and we're going to be talking shop again as always. And when Jason and I started this podcast all those years ago, the whole goal was to talk leadership and how do we live as leaders and develop as leaders that can navigate change in the local church? How
[00:01:47] do we help our churches adapt and do the kinds of things that we need to be doing and churches need to be doing to have a future, to flourish and to make an impact for the kingdom and on the world around us. So really glad to get to be a part of that and really glad to get to just kind of talk to you directly today and think about some things that might help us in that journey as leaders in navigating
[00:02:13] adaptive change and all those kinds of things in the local church. So whether you're a pastor, a church leader on staff or whatever, I'm glad you're tuning in. We really enjoyed connecting with everybody who's connected with the podcast over the years. And so as we always say, just we'd love to hear from you. So email us, Jason or Jesse at ReclaimLeader.com and we can connect and talk shop and think through the various things that you're working on and we're working on as we try to be really
[00:02:41] healthy churches and leaders going forward. So today we're going to have a conversation about what you might call four leadership phrases or just four ways of talking that shape culture and that have worked well for me over the years here in my role as senior pastor at Marine View Church. And so these things, you might have your own way of kind of saying them or articulating them,
[00:03:07] but we're going to look at these four phrases and kind of their impact on our culture. And you think about leadership is about vision. It certainly is. It's about navigating, leading through decision making and all those things, but it's also about shaping a culture. And the way that we talk, the way that we communicate with our people, our staff, our volunteers, the people in our
[00:03:30] congregations, it really has a tremendous impact on the culture and culture in the end has a huge impact on what we're actually able to accomplish together. So we're going to look at four phrases today and we're going to unpack them a little bit and I encourage you to consider adopting these phrases if you haven't already. I think they're going to help you in your leadership. So the four phrases, I'll just say them right at the beginning and then we'll kind of explore each one. But the
[00:03:56] four phrases are these. First of all, I noticed. It's a powerful thing to say. I noticed. And we'll talk about why. The second one is it matters. Reinforces the mission. When we say to the people around us, it matters because it matters. The fourth phrase is that's a great question. What do you think? It's helping develop leaders as we turn questions around and give people the space they need to process
[00:04:22] and think and make decisions that serve the mission and help them grow and develop as leaders. And then the last one is real short. I've used this one a bunch of times here. We talk about it from time to time on the podcast, but it's just a short question. What else? Leaving space for the conversation to kind of grow and mature and what else is going to come up? So we're going to look at those four and just briefly look at them. We're not going to have a super long episode because I don't have
[00:04:46] anybody to talk to. And so I'm just going to riff on these a little bit and hopefully there's something helpful in there for you. So first phrase that we're going to look at is, I noticed. And this is such an important thing for us as pastors. So often we're in the trenches of ministry. We're getting a sermon ready. We're maybe working on a class that we're going to teach or we're getting ready for a meeting or things like that. But when we have opportunities to interact with our people,
[00:05:15] whether they're staff or volunteers or key leaders or just people in the congregation, the words I noticed or I noticed that are really powerful. First, just the idea of noticing someone is profoundly biblical. Of course, Jesus noticed people all the time like Zacchaeus in the tree or the woman who touched him when he was walking through the crowd and was healed. And Jesus noticed people and that helped them to feel valued, seen like part of the team, part of the crew,
[00:05:45] that they mattered in some way. And so noticing people is really important. Of course, as pastors, as shepherds of a flock, we want to notice our people and kind of help them to feel like a sense of belonging. But there's another way in which notice functions. And it has to do with reinforcing what we want to see happen. And so when we notice someone doing something that is in line with the mission or
[00:06:12] is really healthy for the church or helps us to create the environment that we're seeking to create, using the words I noticed goes a long way to just reinforcing those things we want to see happen again. So sometimes maybe you catch someone doing something well and a guest comes in and you notice that they welcomed them and instead of just pointing down the hall to where the kids check in is they
[00:06:37] actually walked with that person and then introduced them to whoever is running the kids check in that day. And there might be part of you that in passing, you just want to say, thank you. Good job. Or, hey, great work welcoming that person. But when you add, I noticed into that and you make it really specific, it actually has a way of reinforcing the kinds of things we want to see. So I noticed, I noticed, says I'm paying attention. It really matters here. I noticed that you welcomed those
[00:07:07] guests and then you walked with them to the children's check-in. And when you do that, it really helps someone feel welcomed and it helps them to avoid some of the confusion that can happen when they're new somewhere. And it really reinforces our purpose of being a connected community that practices great hospitality. So when you notice something, it kind of reinforces it. Instead of this generic, thank you, thank you for being a greeter today or great job greeting today, I noticed. And
[00:07:35] it helps reinforce the kinds of things that we want to see happen again. So what do you need to notice? Maybe there's a couple of ways to look at that. Who do you need to notice? Maybe there's someone that needs your attention and kind of just needs to feel like they belong because you notice them and engage with them. But is there someone who needs to hear those words? I noticed. I noticed that you and fill in the blank. And of course, this cuts both ways. If you notice something that's not so good,
[00:08:02] you can say, I noticed that when you're greeting that person, you didn't walk with them. You just kind of pointed them down the hall. And here's why we do it this other way, why we physically walk with someone to where they need to go or whatever. But often, I notice can be used in this really positive sense. And so I just wonder who or what do you need to notice this week? Maybe you just go around this Sunday and you're looking around the church and you can just use that phrase. I noticed
[00:08:30] that you went through the pews and you straightened out all the hymnals and the little connection cards and just want to say thank you. I noticed that you did that and it matters because, man, that really helps people to go, look, these people take care of their space. Everything's neat and orderly and things were ready for me when I sat down or whatever it is. So the words I noticed matter a whole lot and we can all, I'm sure, think of times when someone noticed us and the impact
[00:08:57] that had on us or when someone noticed what we did well and they said that and they were very specific about what that thing was that they noticed. Man, that can really help reinforce that behavior for us again. So that's a phrase I would encourage you to adopt. Just use the language I noticed. It means you're paying attention that you're aware of people and they matter to you. It communicates that you're paying attention to the specific things that they're doing and whether those are the things that
[00:09:27] communicate the values that are important to us and the way we want to live out our mission or the environments we want to create. So first phrase, I noticed. Have that practice of noticing and adopt that phrase if you haven't already or your own version of it. Okay, the second one is it matters. And it builds off of I noticed. I noticed and it matters go together often in the way that I talk
[00:09:51] with our team. I noticed that the nursery was really cold on Sunday and boy, we don't remember to turn the heat on in there and a mom comes in with their little baby. Man, it's not going to go well. So it really matters that we get that heat turned on and that the environment is ready to welcome people. It matters for the sake of the mission. And when we use it matters language, it really is language that is intended to reinforce the mission. It communicates the why of what we do. We're not
[00:10:20] just doing things to do things. I noticed that you walked with that family to the children's check-in desk. That's just an observation. But if we connect, I noticed, with it matters because it creates a sense of hospitality and warm welcome. And people often make a decision about whether this is going to be a church they want to consider being a part of within the first seven minutes of being here or whatever the stats are. So it matters because it matters for the sake of the mission that God has
[00:10:46] called us to. And so when we are able to understand what matters and then communicate why it matters, that's really helpful to our team. So that's a phrase that I try to use or some version of that phrase. Here's why. Here's the why behind the thing that we're trying to do or that you just did. Here's what difference it makes for the sake of the mission. So it matters language, I think, goes a long way.
[00:11:11] And when we start to drift from that language of it matters, we get kind of into ambiguity about why is it that we're doing something. And if we get into kind of ambiguity about what purpose this serves or how it helps accomplish the mission, I think that's when the things that we think are important begin to drift as well. We have mission drift, but we also have sort of behavior drift that leads us away from the
[00:11:37] mission. And so maybe we walk into the nursery and it's cold in there and we just make the observation and notice it was cold in the sanctuary. Can you please make sure the heat's on again next week? Well, that's going to accomplish the task maybe, but you've missed a really crucial piece because you've left off the why it matters part. And the why it matters part is what makes it worth someone's time or energy to do it. You think about all the people who serve in our churches and children's
[00:12:05] and youth ministry or in worship teams and greeting and serve in our offices and maybe on our mission teams and all of those things. It can turn into kind of a sense of like they're just part of the machinery of the church if we don't connect it to why it matters. And so that it matters language, I just commend it to you. However, you want to talk about the why behind what you do.
[00:12:30] I noticed and it matters. Those two phrases, those are really important leadership and culture phrases that help us to not only welcome people and reinforce good behavior, but connects it to the mission and how this is helping us move toward the thing that God is calling us to, to make disciples, to be a warm community, to help bring and welcome people in and help them feel connected and as part of our life
[00:12:58] together. So those are two, the first two phrases. I noticed it matters. And just to commend those to you. And of course, maybe you have your own versions of those and whatever. And the more specific we can get about those, the better. I noticed and then fill in the blank with a really specific example. And it matters because I connect it to the mission. Okay, there's the first two. A third one that I was thinking about and one that I often use probably almost to the point where my staff sometimes I
[00:13:26] think rolls their eyes. I have different versions of this one. And sometimes our volunteers even are like, I know what's coming next when they ask me a question. For a long time, and I still have it here on my wall. I have just two posters here that say, one says, that's a great question. The other one says, you decide. And I think that's true for my staff team. I really want to communicate that we've delegated authority to them and we trust them to make good decisions for the sake of the mission. We're going to notice it and remind them why it matters. And we're going to celebrate the good
[00:13:56] things and move in that direction. But I've kind of changed that a little bit over the years. Going from that's a great question, you decide to that's a great question. What do you think? What do you think we should do? What do you think about that situation? What do you think about that conflict that you notice or whatever? What do you think? Because there it's still opening up the conversation for discussion, right? When I just say that's a great question, you decide. That's just
[00:14:23] like, hey, I trust you to do it. You go and do what you're going to do and I've got your back. But by saying, what do you think? That actually opens up the conversation, right? And now I get to kind of develop that person and that leader, whoever it is in the context of a conversation about whatever it is we're trying to decide about or what we're wrestling with. So that's a great question. What do you think? It just allows and gives space for someone else to process their thoughts. And
[00:14:51] often if somebody's coming to you with a question, or at least this has been my experience, someone comes to me with a question and they knock on my door and they say, hey, can I interrupt? And I'm like, actually, I'm in the middle of writing a sermon, but fine, you can interrupt or whatever it is. Or you're like, and I try not to look too annoyed or too bothered or too busy because I want to have this conversation. I want to be interruptible. But people come in and they maybe have a question about something in their ministry area or something that's happened or how to
[00:15:19] navigate, you know, a grumpy person that called in with a complaint or whatever. And that's really, when you get a question like that, there's part of us as pastors, and I'll put myself right at the top of the list where I just really, my first instinct is to solve the problem, to give the answer that I had to learn myself at some point along the way, or that wisdom that somebody had given me at some point. And there is an opportunity for that. You want to develop leaders by imparting
[00:15:48] what you know and giving the wisdom that you do have and those kinds of things. But by waiting a beat for that before you jump in with your solutions or ideas, by waiting a minute and just saying, what do you think? You're really giving space for someone to develop in their own leadership and their own understanding, their own, the wisdom that God's going to give them as they grow and experience. And so what do you think? What do you think about the point that I'm making here?
[00:16:16] What feedback would you give? In this situation, what would you do if you notice that? Well, what would you do if you noticed that the nursery heat has not been turned on four weeks in a row and it's getting colder every Sunday? What should we do about that? What do you think? What do you think is a good solution? How can I help you think through the various options that we have? And so
[00:16:41] by not rescuing the situation or not immediately taking the DIY route and solving it yourself or whatever it is, by turning it around and saying, what do you think? I want to process this with you. You're actually making great space to develop leaders. So this phrase is really helpful, really important. I use it all the time with my staff team, our volunteers, and our elders, our session here at the church. What do you think? Because often, and I find that the best ideas
[00:17:08] are somebody else's. A lot of the good things that we've done over the years come out of those kinds of questions. And we hear somebody's ideas for solutions and we get to talk through how we can maybe implement those things. And so give space for leadership development by asking questions and helping your people explore solutions to the questions they might have. And do it in a way that you're a part of the conversation, if that makes sense to be a part of the conversation.
[00:17:36] There are some times where I have to default back to my earliest version where it's, that's a great question. You decide, you know, I can't micromanage every detail in the weeds of your ministry area. That's why we hired you. That's what your role is. And I trust you to do it. But when you need a conversation partner about something that's maybe complex or is difficult and now you're wondering what to do and you just need someone to talk it through with, well, that's when that question can
[00:18:03] really be helpful and to help grow and develop our leaders and help them to see that the wisdom they do have and to grow along the way as they do that. So there's three phrases so far. I noticed, it matters. Those two kind of go together. And here's what I noticed. Be specific. It matters because connected to the mission or to the purpose or the values that we're seeking to live by and the environments we're trying to create, right? I noticed it matters. And then when it comes to sort of
[00:18:31] problem solving or decision making, develop leaders by asking that question. What do you think? That's a great question. What do you think we should do? How should we engage with that person who's being a little bit grumpy? So opportunities there. And then the last one I've talked about over the years here, and I am sure it'll come up again because it's really important. And I first learned this question and the value of it in some of the coaching classes and things that I took. And I think
[00:19:01] all of us as leaders, we have something of this phrase in us, but it's just a reminder to use it and to use it often. What else? Ask that question. What else? Just that short phrase. What else? And it kind of functions in a couple of ways. One, it leaves space for the things that we maybe haven't thought of yet, or it kind of gives us permission to kind of pause and go, okay, what didn't we think of? Where's the gap? What else will help us to move in the direction we want
[00:19:31] to go? Or what else did we not think of yet? And it sort of gives permission for maybe a little brainstorming or a little bit of room for maybe someone who hasn't contributed to the conversation yet to speak up. And it can really function really well. And especially as a team, when you're kind of working through maybe a problem to solve, or how do we get from here to where we want to be? And there's this gap and we're trying to think of steps to get there. And what else do we need to be
[00:19:59] thinking about? And that what else question, I think, also encourages a culture of collaboration. It encourages a culture of curiosity, that people aren't just looking to you as the leader to have all the answers or to kind of speak definitively. And that's it. That phrase, what else? It just leaves the conversation open. And in my experience, some of the very best things that we've ever done
[00:20:25] or come up with or then led to in church here at Marine View as a community of leaders is when that question, what else, is allowed to kind of sit there for a while. What else? And it's often in that what else that a critical breakthrough comes or an idea that sort of iterates from where it started to like a mature idea that we can really do something with. And we get to see that kind of
[00:20:51] develop along the way. So a question, what else? Really good phrase to adopt that's going to help shape a culture of collaboration, of curiosity, of allowing space for ideas to mature and develop. And even in your pastoral care conversations, you know, that question, what else? Man, that can be a really powerful one. Maybe you've kind of got to the surface level on some things and there's a pause in the conversation and you just kind of say, what else? What else is on your heart or what else is
[00:21:21] on your mind? And it often leads to a deeper place. So continue to cultivate that curiosity with that question, what else? So we've had four phrases. Hopefully these are helpful to you in some way. Phrases that I've adopted and used in some way over the years and continue to use. Really, they're culture questions. They're about how we do what we do and who we are as we try to live out our mission together. But when we notice and we're specific, it communicates value to people. It helps
[00:21:51] reinforce good behaviors that we want to see across our life together as a church with our volunteers and staff and others. When we communicate why it matters, I noticed, here's what I noticed, and here's why it matters. It reinforces the mission. It makes sure that we're not having mission drift and forgetting what it is that we're trying to do together and what God has called us to. And then those last two are really leadership development questions, phrases, right? That's
[00:22:16] a great question. What do you think? It gives space for someone to have permission to contribute to the solution or to bring their ideas or things that they've already thought about that could be really helpful that maybe you would never come up with. But it helps develop leaders and builds confidence when you get curious about what someone else thinks about a solution to a problem or a way we should go in our life together as churches. And then that last one, what else just leaves an open-endedness to it?
[00:22:43] That there's room for more collaboration, more brainstorming, more wondering, more being led by the Spirit to the thing that God would have us do. So just giving space for ideas to mature and to connect the dots. And it's often in that question, what else? That good breakthroughs, amazing ideas come. So those are four phrases I commend to you. That's a lot in, I don't know, 22 minutes or so. And thanks for, you know, putting up with me on my own here without Jason. I always miss it when
[00:23:12] we don't get to record together, but hopefully there's something helpful and useful in here for you and in your leadership as pastors, as church leaders. I hope this is encouraging to you. And Jason and I, that's why we do this. We want to be an encouragement. We want to remind ourselves of what we need to remember and know in leadership and continue to be challenged and encouraged by each other. And we love being in the trenches of ministry. And we love talking with pastors and
[00:23:39] church leaders that are trying to lead healthy churches, trying to help churches navigate through change to a healthier place or to do the kinds of things that create flourishing churches that make disciples and are really doing something that matters in their communities. So I'm glad to be on the journey with you. And as Jason and I always say at the end of every episode, ministry is hard. It is so much better when we do it together. We'll talk again soon. Thanks everybody.