[00:00:00] I remember going to a Christmas Eve Mass at a Roman Catholic Church with my father-in-law, and it was beautiful. It was an amazing service and I loved it.
[00:00:08] And but there were parts of it. I didn't know I always know when to stand or kneel or do this or that or whatever, and it gave me an experience of what it can be like to be the new person or guest.
[00:00:20] And it's just a reminder. Let's set our guests up for success. How do we do that? Welcome to episode 318. As you're putting your final touches on your Christmas sermon and services, here are five ways to create a welcoming environment for all those guests.
[00:00:38] And avoid the Christmas Cringe that's today on the Reclaimed Leader. Hey everyone, welcome to episode 318 of the Reclaimed Leader, I'm Jason Tucker, back again with Jesse Skiffington. It is Christmas Week.
[00:00:56] It's Christmas Week. Jason, I'm not sure how you slice it and we were getting around before you hit record that. We better have Christmas figured out by now or in trouble.
[00:01:09] No, it's good. There's a lot of planning and preparation that goes into Christmas Eve and our services and all that. And so sometimes when you get enough of that done in advance, and especially when Christmas Eve is on a Sunday,
[00:01:21] actually kind of freeze up this week to really just dial things in and make sure that you're ready to go. And so we're going to talk a little bit about some things that can help us on Christmas and Christmas Eve, especially when we're welcoming a lot of guests.
[00:01:36] And I love the title that you gave for this episode. So tell us where we're going with this one today. Yeah, we're calling it avoiding the Christmas Cringe. Yes, churches. We do have a tendency to be a little bit cringy to outsiders.
[00:01:49] And especially on the holidays when they might darken our doors for the first time or once or twice a year. And so just thinking about how are you, how are we setting up our experience, our Christmas Eve experience? Of course,
[00:02:03] to worship and honor our Lord Jesus Christ. But how do we do so in a way that is welcoming to the guests? And these are just some last minute reminders as we're putting the final touches on our Christmas sermons.
[00:02:15] Yeah, that's so important. And here, we're not saying, panor to the crowd, take Jesus out of Christmas. That's not no. No, none of that. We're going to share the good news of Jesus with those that are coming.
[00:02:27] But we can do it in a way that maybe mitigates against some of the stuff where you just go, or just maybe inadvertently leave some people feeling like they're on the outside looking in and they're not really sure what to do or how to do it.
[00:02:43] I remember going to Christmas Eve mass at a Roman Catholic church with my father and law, and it was beautiful as an amazing service and I loved it.
[00:02:51] And but there were parts of it. I didn't know I was no wind to stand or kneel or do this or that or whatever.
[00:02:57] It gave me an experience of what it can be like to be the new person or guest and it was just a reminder, let's set our guests up for success. How do we do that?
[00:03:08] It's funny that you mentioned that because my only church experience as a child was going to Catholic mass midnight mass on Christmas Eve with my stepfather.
[00:03:17] And I had a similar experience. I thought it was really beautiful and mysterious and interesting and I didn't know what to do and it I didn't feel like anybody cared.
[00:03:28] Right, so so how do we avoid that? I was just kind of doing a little web surfing thinking about an episode for today and I ran into church answers.com Tom Rainer wrote this article about funny things that pastors say have said at Christmas and or a couple that I thought were really funny.
[00:03:46] And I was here. One was there's a Christmas message speaking about how beautiful the Christmas tree is in the pastor's home and he said and I quote, I love sitting in the living room with nothing on but the Christmas tree. That's really good.
[00:04:01] I got to kick out and then the other one I got is the preacher meant to say inflatables during the announcements. Here's what he said instead quote, please consider donating your blow up dolls for a church as Christmas outreach.
[00:04:15] I guess we can't we can't avoid the occasional foot in the mouth, but there are some things. I think we can avoid there are some let's call them weird things that that we say in church that you just want to be mindful of when you have a lot of guests and belief dot net actually had an interesting list. I'll grab a few from them and I'll share some of my own but a couple that they said that are kind of weird to people that we might not think of is.
[00:04:45] Turn to your neighbor. Yes, now just think about that right now we're so used in Christian East to talk about our neighbor like as the person sitting next you but that's a weird thing to say turn to your neighbor like why wouldn't you just say turn to the person next to you.
[00:05:03] It's funny but little things like that can kind of feel like what's going on that's inside or outside or kind of thing. Yeah, I mean, turn to my neighbor. What are you talking about?
[00:05:12] Or give your neighbor a high five now I'm not our church we don't do the thing hey turn your neighbor give a high five say glad to be here you know whatever and like I know some churches do that and it's part of their experience but just be aware.
[00:05:26] It might feel a little weird. Somebody who doesn't go to church has to give your neighbor a high five yeah yep. This one's probably my favorite will all first time visitors please stand we promise not to embarrass you. Oh man.
[00:05:44] That just parked that one to the side and never ever ever bring it back. I think about people's worst fears being realized that I'm in there. I mean it already takes enough guts to show up at a church if you're not a church person or your new.
[00:05:59] Please don't do this please don't do this. It's a lesson. I promise you they're not coming back. Yeah, yeah and if they do that should be on a alarm bill like that's a good that's its own red flag. Oh man.
[00:06:11] There was there was another one and this is interesting. I think pastors we like to say thing we want our messages to be portable we want to stick and we say things.
[00:06:20] But sometimes we say things not don't know like it just needs some more context so there was one that said if you let them God will turn your mess into a message.
[00:06:33] Yes, that's true but at the same time if I'm just figuring out what I believe about Jesus and thinking like he's going to turn my mess into a message. What are you talking about?
[00:06:45] So God just wants to take this thing you must have somehow leverage it for something else like does he care at all about the pain that I'm going through or there's everything. Yeah you're skipping a few steps there. Yeah, I thought that one was a little cringe.
[00:06:57] I mean maybe that's for a group of Christians to go hey think about the hard things you've been through in your life. How that can be a testimony for what God can do and how you're still working through things but God is faithful or whatever.
[00:07:08] But if you start there on Christmas Eve with people that are like what? I have to I'm already in the mission of God in the world and I'm not even sure about all of it yet like that's yeah that's a little bit of a problem. Yeah.
[00:07:21] So here's a few that I thought of. Okay, and some these things are sometimes said and there's sometimes written I'm going to start with this one and I am risking offending some people.
[00:07:30] But I'll I'm going to I'm going to feel offended I'm already I'm already defensive just feel the offense already. I am defensive. All right. And crossing my arms here's. If you guys are watching on YouTube you can see this actually happening he's and has.
[00:07:48] And this is something so there's a church I'm not going to name it there's a church in our community at the bottom of the hill that is right next to us in a dog.
[00:07:56] They're right across the street from each other and they put on this giant sign and I say giant it's probably like six feet high.
[00:08:05] But they put in their lawn keep Christ in Christmas keep Christ in Christmas so not only do I think that's a little tough to put that not that you can't say what you believe but it's right in the face of this in a dog but.
[00:08:19] Keep Christ in Christmas. I mean, to me that's really cringe maybe that's not to you I would rather keep keep Christ in Christians. I don't know like I feel like it's it's this whole like posture of what we're against right yep where against the way culture doesn't like.
[00:08:41] Jesus we're against against against it feels like a closed fist raised at culture saying yeah and we're going to show you we're going to keep rather than a heartfelt call to discipleship. That's just me maybe that's my thing.
[00:08:56] I think you're wrong I think again it comes from when we are reactive against culture and our angry about it or you know whatever I mean I think it it's disappointing that Christmas is turned into this consumer thing and it's not at its heart Jesus isn't there for many, many millions of people as they celebrate Christmas yeah so yes, maybe the instinct or the desire to see more of Jesus in the Christmas celebration in our culture maybe that's that's okay but to push put it in people's faces and.
[00:09:23] And kind of a shaming way or something yeah or maybe a well intention way where they just miss it that most people already been thinking in terms of Jesus at Christmas time anymore and kind of missing the the cultural moment or something.
[00:09:37] I do think you have to be mindful of your posture and I think the Charlie Brown Christmas is the right way to do it where Charlie Brown's like what's the meaning of Christmas and line a says let me tell you any.
[00:09:48] It says about the shepherds in the fields nearby keeping watch of their flocks and I just tells the story he doesn't.
[00:09:54] He doesn't get all preachy and bossy about it right yeah yeah so humility and our ability say yeah Christmas really is about Jesus but we also understand it's a cultural deal that has come to represent something else in our in our world too. Yeah.
[00:10:08] Hey reclaimed leader community do you feel overwhelmed when it comes to leading change in your church or maybe you feel stuck because you don't know where to start.
[00:10:17] In episode 314 through 316 we introduced our three step guide to simplify leading change and we turn it into a free PDF resource to help you get some clarity.
[00:10:28] While you have to do is go to reclaimed leader dot com forward slash guide today that's reclaimed leader dot com forward slash guide now back to the conversation.
[00:10:41] I also think it's cringy when pastors use attendance shaming so like on christms they'll say like what's not usually this crowded where have all you been you know. Yeah. It's like I would just steer clear I find that super cringy it's like.
[00:10:59] It's not only making people feel weird for being there but then it's also sort of saying well we normally are empty and. Right right well I think there's a positive different way to do something that says we would love to see you again without it being. Yeah.
[00:11:17] I think it's a good idea to be in there if you've been all year long and I think haven't that we're getting into the weeds a little bit here but I think for me one of the outcomes of christmas Eve is I want people to know what we're doing in January as a church.
[00:11:27] And why I think it would be good for them to come and experience it so that's okay but don't do it in a way that well we know you haven't been here all year long and wouldn't it be better if you had been and shame on you like that.
[00:11:38] That's not a good look. So I mean really, and this is all on the spirit of how do we make sure that we give people a warm welcome in a soft landing and an opportunity to experience a heartfelt worship of our Lord Jesus Christ at Christmas time?
[00:11:54] Right, I'm just really like how do we do that? So you win some, don't be weird. Yeah, so it's all about like you said posture. I think it's about having the right posture toward our Christmas Eve or Christmas Day services in that they are outward facing.
[00:12:08] We're not compromising the truth, we're not compromising the message, but how are we just thinking of the fact that there's a whole bunch of the people that we're trying to reach? A lot of them are actually showing up today. And what do we do?
[00:12:21] How do we make sure that we use that moment well? So here's a few things. Number one, make sure to let everyone know your glad to see them. Whether it's, I think we have a tendency sometimes to focus on the people that we do know.
[00:12:37] And we want to wish them well, wish them Merry Christmas and everything else. But what an opportunity to make yourself available to people that you don't know? And that's just it, make yourself available. I know introverts out there, introvert pastors, you're going to want to welcome people,
[00:12:50] do your thing and then kind of go back into the cave, right? But make sure that you're making yourself available for as many people as possible, for as long as possible. And although it's hard, I'm going to say, ask the friends who want to come wish you well,
[00:13:06] just make sure they're not going into a five minute conversation when you have people walking by that you really need to connect with. Because a lot of people appreciate that touch point. Yeah, no, I think that's true. And it's a good opportunity to,
[00:13:19] if somebody hasn't been around as much in that one little relational interaction can kind of turn the tide for them or someone who's new and you get to know their name and then they come back in January, you remember them? I mean, those things go so far
[00:13:31] and helping people find connection. And whether we wanted to be true or not, sometimes people's primary point of connection with a congregation in the beginning phases is with us, the leaders who are up front most often or speaking most often, that kind of thing.
[00:13:45] So making yourself available is not optional, I think. It's a crucial part of it. So it is. And I think there are some, listen, there are some people in your churches who are just straight up frustrated at all the people coming that don't always come.
[00:14:04] And it's almost like us and them. Oh, you know, this guy, I haven't seen this guy since when here they are tonight, where you've been? And I think just to fight that is to make sure that from up front, and I would treat it,
[00:14:20] I would say treat it like a family reunion. Like, you don't see everybody all the time, but it's all hugs, you're just greeting people and just let me know that you can't argue about it. I think when you're doing with that, too,
[00:14:32] is taking the long view of people rather than just what they're doing for you in the short term. It's like maybe this is a season where they got a tongue going on and it's probably not the healthiest thing for them to lean back from church,
[00:14:43] but if you stick with them, you don't beat them up about it. There might be a season when they're able to lean back in and you won't have severed a relationship or damaged it in some ways. So that's a really important one, Jason.
[00:14:54] So let anyone know your glad to see them. Number two, and we mentioned this a little bit in some of those quotes, unpack all the Christian jargon or better yet avoid it completely. So words, I've got to hang up on the word narthx
[00:15:09] because only Christians know what you're talking about and only specific Christians know what you're talking about. Really specific, right? You say the word neighbor, I think you can just unpack it. If you're gonna use it, say, hey, remember, Jesus said our neighbor
[00:15:22] is everybody that we interact with and that's, right, it's just unpacking. Don't expect they're gonna know what it is or even fellowship. Yeah, afterwards, come join us for hot chocolate and the fellowship Paul. I'm like, think about somebody who doesn't go to church
[00:15:34] like fellowship, but is this Lord of the Rings? What's going on? Like, fun at the end, but sort of a weird word. It's a very churchy word. So just unpack it. There are ways that you can say, so I'll give me a great example of this.
[00:15:47] This is a mistake that we were making for a while. And that is in our contemporary service, we were doing passing of the peace. And that's what we called it. So, as Jesus brings up peace, we ask you to pass the peace one another.
[00:16:01] What we didn't anticipate is that we have so many people who aren't churched, who are just come in as their first experience of church or first experience of a Protestant church, they didn't know what we meant. So, we would say to pass the peace
[00:16:17] and they would sit there. They'd do anything. They sat in their peace while the kids had this time where they were like, going to Sunday school. And it took a long time for us to realize that's what was happening. And so we were having a meeting.
[00:16:33] And I'm just like, what if we just stop saying passing, like it's what it is? We could still say the words, Jesus gives us peace to us and pass to one another. What if we just said, when we say kids, you're invited to Sunday school
[00:16:47] and everyone else get up, say hi to somebody, don't know, welcome each other this morning. And we did. And all of a sudden the room, like exploded with movement, it's they had no idea what we were talking about. But I'm talking about passing the peace
[00:17:01] because it was just, so we didn't want to get rid of what passing the peace is or why we think it's a nice part of the service to keep. But we did want to unpack it so they knew what the heck we were talking about.
[00:17:13] So that makes sense? Yeah, totally does. And I think what you're doing with that is you're expecting there to be people there who don't know what to do. Maybe have never been. And you're sort of acknowledging their guests in this room
[00:17:26] that we want to set up for success. And I think there is a point at which we can't unexplained or leave things unexplained or like just take something out. Like we're not gonna take communion out because it's hard or maybe somebody who's new is like,
[00:17:43] I don't know what's, you know, so but we can do our best to explain it or position it for people in a few words that helps them understand something and what's going on. It never feels good to feel like you don't know
[00:17:54] or you're the outsider or yep, that's what I thought a bunch of things I didn't understand, you know, or whatever. That's not what we put people, especially for us. I mean and even words like Advent, I find that I always take a while
[00:18:06] to explain what that is and why it's important in the life of the church. Yep. It's basically making it easy for them to follow the service without compromising the truth that you're trying to convey, right? Is this just wanna make it easy for him?
[00:18:18] How do I make it easy for you? It's not like Christian light, like a lot of people accuse contemporary worship of being. I get why some of that criticism's there but it's not that it's how do I just make it easier for people to follow along right
[00:18:36] and feel comfortable doing something? We don't tend to have a bulletin with an order of service during our normal routine. Christmas Eve is one of those times when we do. We have the handout for everybody and it has our January sermon series and some other things on there.
[00:18:51] But it has just a basic order and a little bit of a welcome, if you're new or I guess with us we're glad you're here if you have kids and they're wiggling a bit, we understand something like that that tries to set a tone
[00:19:03] and give people an expectation of what is gonna happen. We're gonna be here for about 50 minutes to an hour, we're really glad to be together, just so that they know what's coming up. And we don't do that all the time but Christmas Eve is one of those times
[00:19:18] where we try to really make sure that we're giving people a heads up, but what's gonna happen? Are they gonna be here for four hours? They don't know because they've never been in it. We know what happened. No, it's good. All right, number three,
[00:19:30] make sure to give them what hallmark and a Christmas story won't. The life transforming power of a relationship with Jesus Christ. Like just just it's good. All the Christmas Eve stuff is great. And that's in a lot of ways to the hook.
[00:19:44] People wanna come to hear the music or if your church sings the Messiah every year, they wanna hear that or if your church has some sort of really cool experience who wanna do that. But make sure, don't let them leave that building without knowing of the real reason
[00:19:57] that we're there, the hope of Jesus Christ. I know that that's a silly thing for me to say to a bunch of pastors, but you know how we could just get distracted by all the other things and making sure that our message is really deliver on that
[00:20:09] I think is worth our time. Yeah, I think it had one kind of key takeaway or what's really, what's the bottom line that we wanna know as we walk away today that God loves us and is not willing to let us go.
[00:20:21] And so we sent his son to be with us. Whatever, you know, like a one kind of line that avoids the mess and message thing that you did earlier, but something that is like a takeaway that people can go, okay, that's the point of this story.
[00:20:33] Here's what it means. Yeah. Yeah, and if you're inclined listeners, if you're inclined to hear more about preaching on Christmas, we cover this in a episode we did about a year ago called The Thrill of Hope. So check that out, that has tips on preaching at Christmas
[00:20:51] although by now, honestly, you know, that's where it's got to be done. Yeah, she better. Kind of doing it up here. You have a little more time. Yeah, for me, I know it is. Actually, I found it, this is a total aside
[00:21:02] but because Christmas Eve is on a Sunday this year and there's not another sermon to prepare for it, at least not for us. We're just doing everything Christmas Eve all day long. And so it's been kind of nice to have that one focus for the whole week.
[00:21:16] So grateful for that. Well, there you go. Yeah, I love it. Well, what are you some of favorite Christmas things? You know, we're talking Christmas stuff but what do you look forward to at Christmas time? Like you and your family Jason, what do you guys love?
[00:21:28] We just love some of our family traditions and so on Christmas Eve when we have all of our services here at the church, we'll have Christmas dinner in my office. That's fine. And we get Jersey mics. Well, whatever reason that's been our tradition.
[00:21:42] And the kids look forward to it. They're like, oh yeah, we're getting Jersey mics and I'm like, do we have to do this or rest of our lives? Like we did it out of for function. We did it out of necessity and but the kids love it
[00:21:53] and then they we play a Christmas Shrades on my whiteboard in there. It's just sort of silly but that's one of the things that we all look forward to a lot. And you know, the Christmas movies, everything, it's great sitting together with popcorn watching those and enjoying those.
[00:22:11] So yeah, that's really good. Yeah, that's our big thing. How about how about you guys? Yeah, I think they're similar. It's kind of family stuff and for me it's sort of the lesson of working hard getting my stuff done so that I can enjoy that with family too.
[00:22:25] I mean, we do there's a ton that all this has pastors have going on this time of year and before we hit recordos, tone Jason, we've had a couple of deaths in our congregation. Some funerals coming up and yet being diligent enough
[00:22:36] to really be able to enjoy that with family. We've got a sixth in an eighth grader at home that are starting to roll their eyes at me more and more every day. And so the time is short to do the kinds of things that stick to make it.
[00:22:46] So we tend to watch Christmas movies all pile on our bed maybe and we do an advent calendar where we have a scripture reading that we talk about every night and you know, leading up to Christmas and just finding those points of connection.
[00:23:00] So hopefully as much as you're thinking logistics for Christmas Eve, no cringiness, avoid the cringeste factor and all that. You're also been able to enjoy some of this time for yourself, for your own relationship with the Lord, but with family or friends or whoever's in your life
[00:23:14] just enjoying the season for what it is too. That's a good reminder. So yeah, number three, make it sure you're giving them the hope of Jesus Christ. I mean, listen, I think a lot of people they like Christmas because it's in a scape
[00:23:31] or a bit of a distraction from the pain in their life or in the world. And just let them know that the thing that's gonna solve the restlessness in their hearts is a person Jesus Christ. So that's number three, number four.
[00:23:47] It's not too late to think about a hook or an on ramp for 2024. A lot of folks, I know Jesse sometimes you'll see up a sermon series that you're doing in January. That's a nice way to do it. Or maybe there's an event that you're doing in January
[00:24:01] or a small group launch, whatever that is, it's nice to give them that thing on Christmas Eve. Even though they may not remember it because their brains are just all Christmas, they'll be reminded of it. It will plant a seed for when they hear about it again
[00:24:15] on the other side. Yeah, it's kind of a prime, priming the pump kind of deal. You know, you're just putting it on people's radar. Not everybody's gonna respond to that event or that sermon series or opportunity. But it kind of looks ahead and says,
[00:24:27] no we'd love for you to come back and can't wait to see again without it kind of layering on some sort of guilt about not showing up or something like that. So I think it's good tip. And then my last one is serving client
[00:24:40] or in the same step as just enjoying Christmas is celebrate all the work it took to get this far this year. I mean really celebrate it. Like, take some time and really let it sink in. You've done so much this year.
[00:24:55] The Lord has used you in ways you can't even possibly imagine. Yeah. And one thing I like to do is I'll usually settle a little time aside, even like before the kids get up, you know, I'll just go off and go to a coffee shop
[00:25:10] or the bagel place is not too far from us. And just write a list of what are some things I'm just really grateful for. And that sort of is like hitting the reset button on my soul there. And I could really let sink in and appreciate
[00:25:25] all that God has done in the last year. I just, it's so rich for me to do that. So maybe I think the point is whether you make a list or not, allow yourself to celebrate the journey of this last year. Yeah.
[00:25:41] By the time we get done with our last Christmas Eve service, I'm tired and worn out but I'm all like just taking a minute to kind of go, we did it. We got, I mean it really kind of marks the end of the year.
[00:25:52] I mean, no we got New Year's Eve this year with another Sunday but it's kind of, it's just an opportunity to stop and give thanks and reflect. And I kind of like being there once the lights are kind of off and everybody's more or less gone
[00:26:04] and just taking a minute to breathe for a second and go look what, look what we did, look what God did, look at all the good that's going on. So I think that's a really healthy thing, a healthy discipline. So that's it, man, Merry Christmas.
[00:26:17] Put those final touches on. Blessings everyone in all your prep and remember God's gonna use you again in ways that you can't imagine. There are people that he's gonna bring to your church that he brought knowing what you're gonna say and how you're gonna say it.
[00:26:33] And what an awesome privilege I does and I never get tired of it. I don't think there are many things I could get tired of when it comes to feeling like God's using you for something. So anyway, any final thoughts before we say that?
[00:26:47] I don't have any other opinion on it. Yeah, grateful for you, grateful for our friendship and our podcast and the things we get to do talking shop together. And yeah, we're rooting for good Christmas Eve services, praying for good outcomes for all of you listening in
[00:26:59] and thanks for being a part of it with us. All right everyone, thanks for listening. Ministry is hard, it is so much better when we do it together.